You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
