i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
