Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
