i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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