He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
