I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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