Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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