let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
