and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
