Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I love you.
Bad choice
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize