you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
