Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
