I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
