I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
