babies were throwing up all over the place
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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