you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize