why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
