On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
