Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
