so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
