I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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