A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
