if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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