But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
