When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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