dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
