I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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