I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
