she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
