Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
