New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
