I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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