I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
