We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize