Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
