So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
