first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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