Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
