my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize