Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
