So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize