erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
