i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize