That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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