I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
