I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
