Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
