It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
