I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
