Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Randomize
