Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
pray to the hookup gods
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
