and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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