your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
