i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize