Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
My ATM looks so different sober.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
