I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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