I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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