I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
