if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
