The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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