dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
