So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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