i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
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