what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
