genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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